


you're not there

by yaotomes



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: 'ryan quit using elton john lyrics for titles' no, Angst, Canon Divergence, Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Happy Ending, M/M, not vent writing but possible projection, rated T bc gaku says fuck, wouldn't read if you don't like arguing/fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-22 07:31:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19662694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaotomes/pseuds/yaotomes
Summary: “Do you...want to talk about it?”“Not fucking really.”





	you're not there

The air between them was tense. Sitting on opposite sides of the couch, Gaku leaned his chin into the palm of his hand while facing the wall. Sogo sat with his hands clasped in front of him; resting them in his lap as he took side-eyed glances towards his boyfriend.

“Do you...want to talk about it?”

“Not fucking really.”

Sogo inhales sharply before sighing, turning to face Gaku completely. 

“Gaku.”

Gaku looks up, hand falling to rest on the couch arm as he glares. “What?”

There’s a pause, the gap between them both widening as they lock eyes; neither one of them wanting to make the first move into what was likely to be an argument. Sure, the couple had argued before– every couple does. But both of them could feel that this was  _ different _ .

Sogo could tell that Gaku was very upset. He could feel it. From the way his body language was rigid and stiff to the unusual steadiness of his voice– Gaku was  _ pissed _ ; and, frankly, he didn’t really have a right to be.

Despite the rumors, Gaku does not play. He  _ does _ , however, flirt. At first, it didn’t really bother Sogo. Offhand, accidentally comments just happen! Sometimes, though; when Gaku’s had a little too much to drink when they’re out, or when he’s trying to butter a fan up so they’ll be satisfied with meeting their favorite idol– it becomes a little too much for him.

Gaku is faithful, loyal, and Sogo trusts him. Sogo tells himself being upset by his boyfriend’s behavior was childish, absurd, uncalled for. But he’s still human, and so he still feels that pit in his stomach ache whenever it happens; sweet words mumbled to someone that  _ isn’t _ Sogo.

“Nothing; don’t worry, Gaku. I think I’ll go to bed.”

Gaku’s eyes narrow as he watches Sogo stand. “No, no, tell me. Why are you so pissy with me, huh?”

“It’s okay Yaotome, I promise.” Sogo says, gently, his back to Gaku as he tries to keep a straight face.

“Oh, so I’m ‘Yaotome’ now?” Gaku scoffs. “Fine. Whatever. I’m going out again, then.”

Sogo bites his lip. Presses his mouth into a firm line. “Again?”

“Yeah, is that a problem?”

“...No. That’s fine.”

“Ya know,” Gaku starts as he stands by the front door, putting his coat on. “For someone who usually just lets people walk over him, you’ve been pretty ballsy lately.”

The words are practically spat. Sogo winces, debating whether or not to fuel the fire Gaku seems bent on keeping lit. The tension has been there for days, weeks; Gaku having had work away from home lately, but going out to drink with Yamato when he wasn’t. He left Sogo to wake up alone and end most of his nights the same way.

Sogo had tried talking about it before, but Gaku is Gaku. He is stubborn and short sighted. He loves Sogo, true, but sometimes forgets what being a  _ boyfriend _ entails. All Sogo wants is attention, and while Gaku absolutely loved to give that to him at the start, the ‘newly dating’ feelings were starting to wear off. Work was always at their heels, and because their relationship was secret, it took priority.

That, and it soon became obvious to Sogo that Gaku reacts negatively to stress. Hence the current situation. Gaku’s solution to stress was to either work it off or hang out with Yamato; both options– without Sogo.

And Sogo was the type to just  _ take _ it. To a fault.

“It’s not that. I just don’t want to bother with it, anymore.”

“Oh? But I have to?”

“I would have hoped you’d cared more, yes, but that’s alright.”

“And if I don’t?”

This was the fault.

Sogo turned around, expression taken aback. He knew (hoped) Gaku didn’t mean it, but it still...stung. Surely he cared a little, right? Cared that Sogo felt neglected and pushed aside; hoped Gaku would understand Sogo wasn’t asking for a house made of gold.

“If you don’t care, Gaku, then don’t come back here tonight.”

Gaku froze.

“You can’t just say that! Where would I even stay?”

Sogo shrugs. “You have an apartment. You could just go home with someone else, too.”

“Why? So you can whine about it to me, later?”

“Maybe.”

They lock eyes again, and Gaku is practically seething.

Sogo is trying very,  _ very _ hard to not react irrationally, or impulsively. He watches as Gaku seems to acquiesce, taking a deep breath before rubbing at his temple and rolling his eyes.

“You’re angry with me.”   


“Obviously.”

“I asked you why?”

“Sarcastically.”

Gaku clicks his tongue, obviously ruffled by Sogo’s one word responses, and drops his head against the door behind him.

“So? What?”

“What do you mean ‘what?’”

“What do you want me to say?”

He sighs, leaning against the hallway wall. “I don’t want you to say anything, Gaku! I just want you here! I’ve told you this before!”

Sogo is vexxed; extremely so. He isn’t yelling, more like a frustrated exclamation, but he feels like his voice is so, so loud in his ears and through their shared apartment.

“And I’ve already told you I can’t do that constantly, Sogo!” Gaku quips back, voice raising.

“I-I’m not asking you for constantly!” Sogo’s voice cracks, and before he could stop himself, he’s crying; angry tears pouring down his face as he looks away. “I- I just-  _ want _ you here, sometimes, w- with me, and I- I…”

He cuts himself off, giving up on talking and submits to sobbing instead; hiccuping as he tries to hide his face from the other.

Gaku feels a pang of pain shoot through him at the sight of his boyfriend crying because of  _ him _ . Not a pleasant feeling.

“I just- don’t know w- what to  _ do _ , Gaku, I’m not sure I- I know what to do to m-make you want me, too, and I- I– ”

Another hit.

“Sogo…” Gaku speaks again, softly, approaching the other as he tries to pull him into a hug.

“N- No, Gaku, just,” He sniffles, straightening himself a bit to focus. “Don’t bother. Just go.”

The older man bristles. “Fine.”

* * *

Sogo wakes up slowly; groggy with a faint headache. The previous night, after arguing with Gaku and crying some more into his pillow, he went to bed angry and alone. Now, his emotions are mellowed out, and instead he woke up lonely, and sort of...empty. He was over arguing with Gaku, tired and exhausted from it. At this point, he just wanted  _ Gaku _ .

A knock sounded softly through the room, and Sogo peeked over the comforter as Gaku opened the door.

“Sogo…?”

He refrained from answering and laid his head back down. Instead, the other pushed the door all the way open, and shuffled to Sogo’s side of the bed. He was dressed in his pajamas, meaning evidently Gaku had took it upon himself to remain home and sleep on the couch.

Sogo kept his eyes trained on the wall, watching his partner slide a tray onto his nightstand, and instantly is met with the smell of breakfast.

“...Are you trying to win me over with food?”

Gaku sits on the edge of the bed, forcing Sogo to sit up to make room. “I might be.”

“Mm…”

“Is it working?”

“Depends.” Sogo says with a yawn.

Gaku leans forward, arms draping around Sogo’s torso as he tugged him forward. Sogo gave up on resistance yesterday, and indulged himself by nuzzling into Gaku’s neck and letting his own arms fall around his waist.

“I’m sorry, Sogo...I know I need to treat you better than I have been.”

Sogo looks up at Gaku, tired and worn. “It’s okay. Honestly, I just want things to go back to how they were before, and I need you to communicate with me.”

Gaku nods, kissing Sogo on the forehead. “I know, I will. But still. I...didn’t react well, at all. I gotta think before I say things.”

“You talked to Tsunashi last night, didn’t you?” He laughs.

“Y- yeah; I think I sorta had to. I hadn’t seen you cry before, and...Ryuu is good at talking things out with me.”

“Mhm…”

The couple sat in comfortable silence, Gaku holding Sogo to him, rocking lightly and rubbing relaxing circles into his back with his fingertips. The smaller man reached up, however, and yanked Gaku down; kissing him softly against his lips.

“I forgive you, Gaku.”

Gaku smiles, bashful. “Thank god.”

“What’s for breakfast, then?”

“Pancakes with blueberries– I even left off the syrup for you. There’s also coffee and scrambled eggs with tabasco.”

Sogo’s face lights up, and he smiles. “You must have wanted me to forgive you really bad, huh?”

“Something like that.” Gaku says, tone playful as he watches his lover reach for the tray. “Sou?”

“Hm?” He replies, about to shove pancake into his mouth.

“I’m very,  _ very _ in love with you, you know? In case you ever forget that. I really do love you, so much…”

Gaku’s tone is unusually serious, again, but instead his face holds a soft and gentle expression.

“Oh, Gaku,” Sogo starts as he drops his fork and sets down the tray again. “I...love you too. I mean– I’m in love with you too, ah…”

His face flushes, suddenly unsure what to do with his hands, and Gaku laughs.

“C’mere, Sou.”

“Wh- why?”

“I wanna kiss you more.”

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to try my hand at writing 2 characters i like in an emotionally tense situation, and i haven't written angst in over a year (if you. ignore my vent fic lol), so i decided Let's Make Gakusou Fight
> 
> title is from "sorry seems to be the hardest word," and no i wont stop using lyrics for titles, i miss 2012
> 
> follow my [main](https://twitter.com/gakulovemails) or my [writing](https://twitter.com/riskyboyfriend) twitter :)!
> 
> on my writing twit i usually post snippets as i write or go into detail about why i do things X way if anyone is interested about thought process sdfghbjz


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